When Someone You Love Has OCD: 7 Ways to Show Support

Living with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) can be overwhelming and exhausting for a person. It can also be challenging for the people in their lives who love and care about them. 

OCD not only causes psychological symptoms for the person who suffers from it, it can also affect their relationships. Attempts to try and hide one’s OCD can feel like avoidance to friends and loved ones. They may not understand what they’re seeing or hearing. They may feel helpless as to how to offer support, especially if the way the OCD is manifesting is confusing. 

Despite its portrayal as “quirky behavior” in popular culture, the reality of OCD is much more complex. OCD is a mental health disorder characterized by intrusive, unwanted thoughts (obsessions) and repetitive behaviors (compulsions) aimed at easing the anxiety these thoughts cause. The need for support from friends and loved ones cannot be understated. 

If your friend or loved one is dealing with OCD, your support can be a vital part of their recovery. Knowing how to support them requires understanding, patience, empathy, and a willingness to learn. This guide will walk you through seven practical steps on how to support your friend or loved one while respecting their boundaries and encouraging their journey toward healing.

1. Educate Yourself About OCD

The first step in supporting your friend or loved one is to understand OCD and the struggles they may be facing. OCD is not just about “quirky behavior” or cleanliness or arranging the sock drawer just so. OCD is a complex mental health disorder that can manifest in various and sometimes troubling ways. 

Many people with OCD are fully aware that their thoughts and behaviors are irrational, but the compulsion to perform them is driven by overwhelming anxiety.

What You Can Do:

• Learn the facts. Get information about OCD from reputable resources. Learn about common myths and misconceptions. Understand the difference between quirky habits and genuine compulsions.
• Learn about lived experience from those living with OCD. Documentaries and podcasts are a great resource here. 
• Ask your loved one about their experience with OCD but be mindful that not everyone is comfortable discussing their symptoms.

2. Practice Empathy and Non-Judgment

While you may not fully understand their OCD, it’s essential to approach your loved one’s struggles with empathy and non-judgment. Shaming, belittling, or dismissing their experience is hurtful and can exacerbate their distress. 

It’s important to know that even though their behavior may seem irrational to you, for them, the compulsion to act is very real and quite overpowering at times. Your loved one is not choosing to be anxious or engaging in compulsive behaviors for attention. They can’t “just stop.” (They would if they could.) 

What You Can Do:

• Validate their feelings. Be a safe person they can talk to. Listen with an open mind and without judgment. When they share, affirm that you recognize their struggle. “I hear you” are powerfully healing words. 
• Use supportive language. Kind words can go so far in helping someone through a particularly challenging moment. It’s OK to acknowledge their struggle. Let them know that you see how hard it can be and that you’re there for them. For example, instead of saying, “stop worrying so much” or “just go do something else”, try saying things like, “I can see this is really hard for you. How can I help?” 
• Practice patience. OCD symptoms wax and wane, and your friend or loved one will have up and down days. No two people will experience OCD in exactly the same way. Avoid comparisons or commenting about “how far along” they “should be” in their recovery. It’s different for everyone. 

3. Avoid Enabling Compulsions

When someone you love is struggling, it can be tempting to help them out “just this once”, especially if doing so provides them with temporary relief. For example, they might ask you to help with a cleaning ritual or ask you to check on something repeatedly. In the moment helping can seem harmless enough and soothe them, but ultimately it reinforces the compulsive behavior.

What You Can Do:

• Set boundaries around reassurance. This is a hard but critically important skill. Gently let your friend or loved one know that you will not participate in their compulsions, even though you understand why they feel the need to ask. And then don’t participate. 
• Encourage alternative coping strategies. Instead of participating in rituals, suggest healthier ways to manage anxiety, like breathing exercises or grounding techniques.
• Seek guidance from a therapist. A mental health professional experienced in treating OCD can offer advice on how to offer support without enabling compulsions.

4. Encourage Professional Help

While emotional support is crucial, OCD requires treatment from a mental health professional. Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), a specialized type of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), is considered the gold standard in treating OCD. In ERP therapy, individuals with OCD are gradually exposed to their fears in a controlled manner, without allowing them to perform their compulsions. This process helps reduce the power of obsessions over time. Medication is also sometimes used in conjunction with therapy. 

What You Can Do:

• Support therapy. Encourage your friend or loved one to seek therapy. Let them know that seeing a professional is a brave step and can significantly improve their quality of life.
• Normalize medication. If your friend or loved one is prescribed medication, support their decision to explore this option. OCD often responds well to medication, particularly selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), as part of the treatment process.
• Help them navigate. Sometimes the anxiety of taking the first step can feel overwhelming, and practical support can be a welcome support. It’s ok to help with things like finding a therapist, driving them to a session, or picking up a prescription. The key is to help and not enable them or pressure them or do it for them. Remember, they have to make the decisions about their treatment.

5. Respect Their Boundaries

Just as you have to set boundaries with them, your friend or loved one has boundaries too. Everyone with OCD has different triggers, and it’s essential to respect your loved one’s boundaries. 

Some common boundaries to consider might be:

• Avoid pressuring them to talk about their OCD if they’re not ready.
• Don’t force them into situations they’re uncomfortable with. 
• Avoid ultimatums like “go to therapy or else…”

Respecting their boundaries also means understanding that recovery is a personal journey and a personal choice. They may need your presence and support but also space and time to be ready to share details about their OCD. 

What You Can Do:

• Ask what they need. Simply asking, “How can I best support you today?” signals that you are there for them. Maybe they need reassurance. Or space. Or someone to simply be present. 
• Respect their triggers. If you know that certain topics or situations increase their distress, do what you can to help minimize or avoid their exposure to these triggers UNLESS they’re actively working on them in therapy. If they’re working on these triggers, part of their therapy may be experiencing them.

6. Take Care of Yourself

There’s an old saying: you can’t pour from an empty cup. And it is absolutely applicable to supporting someone you care about. Supporting someone with OCD can be physically and emotionally draining, especially if you’re their primary source of support. 

Taking care of your well-being is not selfish. On the contrary, it ensures that you’re in the best place to support your friend or loved one.

What You Can Do:

• Set your own boundaries. Learn to say no. There will be times when your capacity is stretched thin. Saying no has nothing to do with not being supportive and everything to do with being in a healthy place so that you can support your friend or loved one in healthy ways. 
• Seek support. Supporting someone in their journey is hard on the family and friends too. A support group for family or friends of those with OCD can give you a place to share feelings, find support from others who understand, and even find practical advice from those who are on the same journey. 
• Practice self-care. Make time for relaxation, hobbies, and your own social life. Self-care helps you to recharge and helps to fight burnout. 

7. Celebrate Small Victories

OCD recovery takes time, and progress is not linear. However, every step forward, no matter how small, brings them one step closer to recovery. Maybe it’s attending therapy for the first time or resisting a compulsion. Recognize those moments. Focusing on growth rather than setbacks nurtures positivity and hope for healing. 

What You Can Do:

• Acknowledge progress. We all need a pat on the back. It’s motivating and reinforces the feeling of “I can do this!” Let them know that you see their progress.
• Celebrate milestones together. Find ways to acknowledge the victories. Spending some time together doing something fun or visiting a favorite spot  or sharing a meal can be highly meaningful and motivating.  

Final Thoughts

Supporting a loved one with OCD is a balance of empathy, boundaries, and encouragement. It means finding that place of support without enabling or judging. While it can be challenging to understand their OCD, your willingness to learn and offer compassionate support can make a significant difference in their journey toward healing. 

You are not alone on this journey. There are resources, support groups, and mental health professionals available to help both you and your friend or loved one. Remember, therapy and support can’t just help the person with OCD, they can help friends and loved ones too. There is help and there is hope for healing.